Battleship: 4 out of 5 Bats

Battleship: A movie that doesn’t sink.

Ok, this movie at first didn’t have a lot going for it. A premise that the makers were trying to heavily lean upon being a movie based off of a board game. Besides the title, the use of ships, and a pretty cool way of tracking the enemy the similarities stop there. Liam Neeson is in it as well which automatically boost its credibility. Credibility that is not even tainted that much by Rihanna being in the film. She does better than expected however. This movie is packed full of action and even has some moments of hilarity. This movie is worth seeing. If G.I. Joe had been more like this movie then perhaps it wouldn’t have sucked so badly. There are some typical action clichés but nothing too not overly done. Earth sends a beacon to another planet and the planet responds by sending an invasion, a move that one of the scientists completely called and got to bask in a brief “I told you so”. The main character hits on a hot girl by stealing a chicken burrito from a gas station which he delivers to her while getting hit with a stun gun. The hot girl just so happens to be an Admiral’s daughter whom is the main character Hopper’s brother’s boss. The aliens have superior technology to us but the ships still have to kind of flop over the water. The mothership creates a bubble barrier that blocks any help from getting in so there are limited ships available. They do a great job of gaining the upper hand until one of the smart Japanese guys comes up with a water displacement plan to track where they are because they do not appear on the radar normally. This works for taking out most of the ships. Including a part where we use the sun against them because the aliens’ eyes are kind of like this one guys pet frogs and he remembers the frog going crazy from not being able to see. This works really well. Afterwards the mothership sends some of the chainsaw balls they have been using throughout and demolishes the ship. Everyone on the ship still alive escapes on life boats. The aliens have setup communications by some satellites and have destroyed the last ship left or have they? Hopper spots an old museum ship. There are a bunch of old veterans on board. Hopper gets them to help in the fight by taking the battleship out for one last ride. Apparently, they keep live ammunition on museum ships too! They embark out to attack the mothership. Hopper gives some orders for some crazy ship steering and quotes Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” as he gives the command to fire and blows part of the ship including the parts that created the bubble shield earlier. They are down to one round which they send at the satellites to interrupt the transmission and pray. With the bubble shield down this frees up reinforcements that have no trouble taking out what is left of the enemy. Everyone lives happily ever after! Except everyone that dies of course.

Final Rating: 4 out of 5 Bats

~Vangetsu